21 y.o. Nurina

bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

*this post I write as reminder, appreciation, reflection, some case can be priceless treasure..as 21 years old me for future me.

I fully realize my forgetful personality. So I should re-read what I write and re-write what I read. I should try hard, though.
And..the reason I write this post in English that I can show my futute me that I ever try to learn use foreign language properly (maybe future me will be embarassed about this unproper use of English. Sorry then)
Once again, remind me about try..and learn..and again :)*

Hello, I'm 21 years old Nurina.
Salamu'alaykum..

1. 21 years old Nurina is stubborn, still
stubborn daughter, stubborn 'lil sister, stubborn older sister, stubborn grandchild, stubborn niece, stubborn neighboor, stubborn girl, stubborn friend, stubborn citizen..always stubborn for any reason, situation, and condition. I try hard to describe how stubborn 21 years old Nurina is.
In better way I want to say that 21 years old Nurina is try hard to be istiqomah, keep hardwork, and always fill up her spirit..for any case she works for.
In worst way I can say that 21 years old Nurina is somehow always do everything as she wish and want, that she thought it as right and best way. Sometime it looks like 21 years old Nurina never has that pair of ears.

For example..(this is the recent and most bothersome problem for my sister that she frequently get mad to 21 years old Nurina)
21 years old Nurina who lived with her Grandma for this couple recent years, decide to share and spent her daytime with Father&family, Grandma, and other family around..wisely. So, (almost) every night she will spent the rest of the day in Father's home..till midnight. 21 years old Nurina always think that she never had have enough quality time with father, sister, and only 'lil brother. So she thought about having together-time (with our own activity) as long we stay in the same place. From 21 years old Nurina point, that was at least she can do as being responsible for thausand love, example, and care she receive from them. But from sister point, that stubborn 21 years old Nurina never want and able to understand that wander around in the midnight is bad thing to do (I often back to Grandma's home by walk).
Still, this 21 years old Nurina, up to now, is reaaaally enjoy living surrounded by family-love, who lived near each other in different house. Even she has to move often and spare day-time as wise as she decide to :p

Remember about applying master scholarship?
Yes, 21 years old Nurina faithfully full of confidence (she try harder to have that) complete the document one by one and wait step by step for final announcement. That was hardwork for 21 years old Nurina, but stubborn for some people maybe.

2. 21 years old Nurina is learning, still
I think in this age, 21 years old Nurina she is fully and deeply understand about "long life learning". So she wont give up as easy as flipping hand, wont prodly brag as easy as blinking eyes, wont feel exhausted as easy as getting some water in the rain, wont stop for ridiculous and simple reason. Because 21 years old Nurina decide to always learn from everything, everyone, every fate, every plan, every pain, every chance..everytime and everywhere.

For example, in that applying master scholarship case. Final announcement informed that she can't make it. 21 years old Nurina sad? of course, big yes. But this case perfectly made 21 years old Nurina learn. Learn about patient and grateful. It remind her anytime since she read the final announcement..about patient and grateful *my heart cry when I write this part. For everything I learn, not for can't make it yet*

Remember what you pray about that master scholarship? 21 years old Nurina begged for Allah blessing her decision. "..Whatever the final be, as long as Allah blessed that must be the best fate ever.."
Yes, that was the best fate inshaa Allah. Even sister in Kupang there, encourage 21 years old Nurina since the start.
Well, how can that sadness last long if people smile around (in their heart) that this year Istill stay near them physically. Finally, 21 years old learn something..again.

Oh almost forgot, 21 years old Nurina start to feel stuffy to attend any lectures. She want to focus on.........writing thesis for her bachelor degree, she said. Well, 21 years old Nurina learn about everything but decide to stop attending any lecture in campus (still come for every exam or test). Hello, stubborn Nurina, everybody.

21 years old take every situation as learning time. It works to turn any bad feeling and thought into make a possibility knowing new things. It remind 21 years old Nurina about patient and grateful. Long life learning, dont stop try.

3. 21 years old Nurina is delightful, still
Pretend or try or naturally..21 years old Nurina still want to looked as delight person. Smile, laugh, kindness, spiritful..show those as hard as she could.

Sometime, 21 years old Nurina force herself to smile as bright as she can. This called pretending. Somehow, just dont want to bother people around with "..why?.." or "..are you okay?..". 21 years old Nurina still think that she is the one who should ask that kind of questions to comfort others.

Also 21 years old Nurina possibly sad or cry. Mostly in front of....mirror and...above sajadah. 21 years old Nurina couldn't describe more. But in conclusion, 21 years old Nurina is still always want to make everybody thought nothing about worrying her. Just make dearest people feel uncomfortable with her ups and downs personality, make 21 years old Nurina feel bad enough. All she can do is pretend or try or naturally smile to show delight side of her.

For example, this is..
21 years old Nurina always saw "..are you okay?" question in their face everytime they know that her Mom passed away. Yes, 21 years old Nurina's most-important-and-her-main-oxygen-for-consiousness was passed away. Then what?
Mom, she just parted from us. For 21 years old Nurina, Mom just stay far away for mmm 'lil long time, just parted by distance for mmm 'lil sometime, just can't see Mom for mmm a while. Actually Mom is always Mom. For 21 years old Nurina, Mom is always there in her life. By waiting patiently and live gratefully..will meet Mom again then.
For this case, 21 years old Nurina is delightful naturally when she had to mention about Mom.

But when 21 years old Nurina saw you, or you, yes you with your mother, spent your time..and made 21 years old Nurina holding tears. But she still able to say Hi both to you and your mother with bright smile, chat along with jokes..21 years old Nurina is pretending to look delight.

And when 21 years old Nurina start to call your mother with "Mom" word, stay around her as good and delight girl..she is try to look delight.

21 years old Nurina said that she enjoy that delightful side of her, please remember. 21 years old Nurina's bright side, hope it will be good both for her and people around.

4. 21 years old Nurina is happy stay single, still
21 years old Nurina always wonder why people around start making a fuss about being single. What kind of relationship people need actually?
For 21 years old Nurina, there are just two type of relationship that exist in this world: friend and family. That also based on legal rules in my country, legal rules in this whole world, and basic rules in Islam.
For example, if girl A and boy B declare themself as a lover yet not legally married. Then what would they do as a lover? Living together? Oh please they will facing serious problem towards environment. Okay this is extreme case.

Truthfully 21 years old Nurina just dont get it, not understand the benefit having illegal relationship. Love? so far 21 years old Nurina receive thousand love from thousand sources
Care? same case with love. God, family, best friends, friends, again big family..their love and care are infinite.
Great time together? Hang out with family is priceless enough
Opposite gender love and care? Remember that 21 years old Nurina having father and 'lil brother. They are super great in giving love, care, and their time as opposite gender to us family.

So, for 21 years old Nurina you just have to choose between friend or family. Especially for my ladies, my girlfriends, and ladies out there..you are my family. You can act and do as normal family did to me. For example we can sleep over together, swimming together, exchanging clothes or dress up each other. Boys? correctly, please choose between that option.

21 years old Nurina is single but never lonely. Sometime yes a bit lonely,loss a help..but so far its okay. 21 years old Nurina is stubborn enough and independent and full of responsibility. Always have one magic word, "I can do it! Should can do it!"
21 years old Nurina is able because she is independent girl and everything she does meet her responsibility.

How about man, then?
Some of them appear in 21 years old Nurina's life, but not ready yet to come in her life. They are friends, some of them are best friends, some of them are priceless, some of them are.....special.

Any development 21 years old Nurina?

21 years old Nurina is now busy crocheting. She learn in by herself. See, 21 years old Nurina can learn autodidak, made gorgeous crochets. 21 years old Nurina thought about taking brave action for crochet things. Please remember..

21 years old Nurina is now able to make some 'lil money. Her own money, not from scholarship or other merit. Her own money for taking part-time job. Much more to learn also..not only taking money, but 21 years old Nurina also has big plan to learn as much as she could about working and dependent. Please try harder..

21 years old Nurina is still have long dream-list that grow longer as time pass by. Always make that list longer, stay make new dreams..not to have comfortable nap but that made you dont have enough time to sleep longer in order to actualize that. Please remember and try harder..

21 years old Nurina is...feeling blessed and grateful for every moment in her life. Enough to bring tears, 21 years old Nurina always begged Allah bless her life :')

*this is it...sorry for shamelessly brag about 21 years old. Because maybe this is the last proper chance for me to repeatedly declare that I am Nurina, 21 years old.*

alhamdulillahirabbil'alamin...

Yogyakarta, Indonesia
23.45
14 Mei 2014